Sat 31 July 2010 6:29am PST

Think Like a Christian,
Talk Like a Christian, pt. 3:
When Not to Listen

Presenter: Larry Kirkpatrick

Location: Mentone Seventh-day Adventist Church, California, USA

Delivery: 2006-12-10 05:09Z

Publication: Last GenerationTheology.org 2006-12-10 05:09Z

Type: Sermon

URL: http://www.lastgenerationtheology.org/lgt/doc/mis/txtx/kir-talk3.php

Today, part three of Think Like a Christian, Talk Like a Christian. Our emphasis? When not to listen.

Before we unpack that any further, let’s turn to the Bible and in particular, the book of Proverbs.

Proverbs 17:4 is our first text. In KJV it reads, “A wicked doer giveth heed to false lips; and a liar giveth ear to a naughty tongue.” You might be interested in a Jewish translation: “An evildoer listens to mischievous talk; a liar gives ear to malicious words” (Proverbs 17:4 JPS).

The concept is clear. Listening to destructive talk is the practice of an evil person. In the “it takes one to know one” category, the “birds of a feather flock together” category, we see a revealed truth: if we listen to destructive talk, we ourselves become destructive people.

We began this series with the text we looked at more closely last week: “Thou shalt not go up and down as a talebearer among thy people.” The talebearer is a mobile weapons platform against his acquaintances. You don’t have to go to him to hear gossipy talk, he comes to you. The talebearer has a built in weakness, however. He must seek out listeners to whom to vend his tales.

In giving us the power of speech God gave an amazing gift. But He gave also the gift of hearing. When we were children, our talking would get us into trouble. Eventually mom or dad would command, “shut your mouth.” But how many times did mom or dad tell you, “shut your ears”? Maybe for some of us, yes, they did. But asking someone not to listen tends to have what effect? It tends to provoke the listener to be all the more intent on hearing what is about to be said. It requires mental discipline to close your mouth, but much more mental discipline to truly shut your ears. Today we want to learn how to shut our ears.

Let us keep in mind one other thought:

It is a law of nature that our thoughts and feelings are encouraged and strengthened as we give them utterance. While words express thoughts, it is also true that thoughts follow words (Ministry of Healing, pp. 251, 252).

If someone should come to you with an interesting item to share, both parties are at risk. Thoughts and feelings are encouraged and strengthened as we give them utterance. So if we encourage another with “say on, brother,” we are not only preparing ourselves for likely defilement, but also encouraging the talebearer to strengthen the thoughts and feelings he is on the verge of thinking and feeling. By being willing to listen, we are demonstrating that we are capable of considerable destruction ourselves.

There is a reciprocal relationship, a velcro relationship, here. The talebearer needs a tale-hearer. The tale-hearer is enabling the talebearer in his ungodly task. The words of inspiration are unambiguous:

Even facts may be so stated as to convey a false impression.... When we listen to a reproach against our brother, we take up that reproach. To the question, ‘Lord, who shall abide in Thy tabernacle? who shall dwell in Thy holy hill?’ the psalmist answered, ‘He that walketh uprightly, and worketh righteousness, and speaketh the truth in his heart. He that backbiteth not with his tongue, nor doeth evil to his neighbor, nor taketh up a reproach against his neighbor.’

What a world of gossip would be prevented if every man would remember that those who tell him the faults of others will as freely publish his faults at a favorable opportunity. We should endeavor to think well of all men, especially our brethren, until compelled to think otherwise. We should not hastily credit evil reports. These are often the result of envy or misunderstanding, or they may proceed from exaggeration or a partial disclosure of facts. Jealousy and suspicion, once allowed a place, will sow themselves broadcast, like thistledown. Should a brother go astray, then is the time to show your real interest in him. Go to him kindly, pray with and for him, remembering the infinite price which Christ has paid for his redemption. In this way you may save a soul from death, and hide a multitude of sins.

A glance, a word, even an intonation of the voice, may be vital with falsehood, sinking like a barbed arrow into some heart, inflicting an incurable wound. Thus a doubt, a reproach, may be cast upon one by whom God would accomplish a good work, and his influence is blighted, his usefulness destroyed. Among some species of animals, if one of their number is wounded and falls, he is at once set upon and torn in pieces by his fellows. The same cruel spirit is indulged by men and women who bear the name of Christians. They manifest a pharisaical zeal to stone others less guilty than themselves. There are some who point to others’ faults and failures to divert attention from their own, or to gain credit for great zeal for God and the church (Testimonies, vol. 5, pp. 57-59).

Hear these points. How you state even facts can send a false message with the facts and thus cause truth to serve error. Listening to such talk is taking up such talk. It is to self-contaminate. See, a willingness to listen, in itself, means one is willing to be contaminated. How many destructive deeds would be prevented if we each remembered that one who will talk of others behind their backs will as readily talk of us behind ours. You can almost count on this eventually happening, for the talebearer often is animated more by the process of telling his morsels to another than the content of the morsels themselves. Talebearing can lead the talebearer to feel important, validated, plugged-in to a loop of importance. Instead of finding his value in Christ, the talebearer finds his value in self. It is a substitute means of feeling good about yourself, but the price is feeding on the carcasses of your fellows.

I love the counsel in Mrs. White’s writing. “We should endeavor to think well of all men, especially our brethren, until compelled to think otherwise.” See, all men, but especially fellow believers in God. Notice how strong her qualifier. We should think well of all men until “compelled” to think otherwise. That is when the facts, after being thoroughly investigated, are so forceful that no other reasonable option is left but to treat them with full weight.

The warning is, “We should not hastily credit evil reports.” Evil reports, if not to be hastily believed, are then to be credited only cautiously, carefully. The watchword is “not so fast.” And evil reports, we are told “are often the result of envy or misunderstanding, or they may proceed from exaggeration or a partial disclosure of facts.” “Often” suggests that not in just a few but in many cases, the report will be the result of someone’s emotional reaction more than of the facts, or, the result of someone’s misunderstanding. It is very easy to get bad or pre-compromised information when you listen to the fallible human courier. A third source of such reports is in our simple tendency to exaggerate things to each other. A fourth source is reverse exaggeration, that is, in only offering a partial disclosure of the facts. So here are several reasons to beware such communications. She compares our offering such talk with animals that eat each other.

A Powerful Communication Counsel From Ellen G. White

You have noticed that this series contains a wide mixture of Bible and Spirit of Prophecy insights. One of the most helpful items I found is a very obscure one from the writings of Ellen G. White. What I am about to repeat to you is a bit lengthy, but in my judgment, well worth it. Please listen closely.

Every unkind criticism of others, every thought of self-esteem [by “self-esteem” here, she means what we would today term as putting oneself above others] , is ‘the putting forth of the finger and speaking vanity.’ This lifting up of self in pride, as if you were faultless, and magnifying the faults of others, is offensive to God. It is breaking His law, ‘Thou shalt love thy neighbor as thyself.’ ‘Be kindly affectioned one toward another.’ We have no right to withdraw our confidence from a brother because of some evil report, some accusation or supposition of wrong. Frequently the report is made by those who are at enmity with God, those who are doing the enemy’s work as accusers of the brethren.

Some one not so mindful as he should have been of Christ’s words, ‘Take heed how ye hear,’ allowed his unsanctified ears to hear wrong, his perverted senses to imagine wrong, and his evil tongue to report wrong. Many a man will not come openly to talk with the one he thinks in error, but will go to others, and under the mask of friendship and sympathy for the erring, he will cast reflections. Sometimes he openly agrees with the one whom he covertly seeks to injure. Suppositions are stated as facts, without giving the person charged with wrong, a clear, definite statement of his supposed errors, and without giving him a chance to answer the charges. This is all contrary to the teaching of Christ. It is the subtle way in which Satan always works. Those who do such things have set themselves up as judges, through admitting evil thoughts. One who engages in this work, communicates to his hearers a measure of his own spirit of darkness and unbelief; his evil surmizings sow in their minds the seeds of bitterness and suspicion toward one whom God has delegated to do a certain work. If he makes a mistake, it is seized upon, magnified, and reported to others, and thus many are led to take up the reproach against their neighbor. They watch eagerly for all that is wrong, and close their eyes to all that is commendable and righteous.

When an effort is made to ascertain the truth in regard to matters that have been represented as wrong, those who have been the accusers are frequently unwilling even to grant the accused the benefit of a doubt as to the reliability of the evil reports. They seem determined that things shall be just as they have stated them, and they treat the accused as guilty, without giving them a chance to explain. When there is manifested a spirit of such fierce determination to make a brother or sister an offender, and the accusers cannot be made to see or feel that their own course has been wrong, what does this show?—That the transforming power of the enemy has been upon them, and their character reflects his attributes.

Satan well knows that all his strength, together with that of his angels and evil men, is but weakness when opposed to the faithful, united servants of the Great King, even though they may be few. In order to overcome the people of God, Satan will work upon elements in the character which have not been transformed by the grace of Christ; he will make these the controlling power of the life. Unless these persons are converted, their own souls will be lost, and others who regarded them as men led of God, will be destroyed with them, because they become guilty with them. Satan endeavors to create suspicion, envy, and jealousy, leading men to question those things that it would be to their soul’s interest to believe. The suspicious ones will misconstrue everything. They will call an atom a world, and a world an atom. If this spirit is allowed to prevail, it will demoralize our churches and institutions.

To speak evil of another secretly, leaving the one accused in ignorance of the wrong attributed to him, is an offense in the sight of God. Let those who have been drawn into this work repent before God, confess their sin, and then nourish the tender plant of love. Cultivate the graces of the spirit, cultivate tenderness, compassion for one another, and do not longer work on the enemy’s side of the question.

Before giving credence to an evil report, we should go to the one reported to be in error, and ask, with all the tenderness of a Christian, if these statements are true. A few words spoken in brotherly kindness may show the inquirer that the reports were wholly without foundation, or that the evil was greatly magnified.

And before passing unfavorable judgment upon another, you should go to the one whom you think has erred, tell him your fears, with your own souls subdued by the pitying love of Jesus, and see if some explanation cannot be made that will remove your unfavorable impressions (Home Missionary, January 1, 1892).

The above requires but little comment. We may develop, from this and from other counsels, the identifying characteristics of two courses of action.

The Ignorant or Satanic Course

One course is characterized by refusing to come openly to talk to the one thought to be in error. It is characterized by speaking evil of another secretly, leaving the one accused in ignorance of the wrong attributed to him. The markers that we tend to see together in this approach? Suppositions are stated as facts without giving the person charged with wrong, a clear, definite statement of his supposed errors. Nor is he given opportunity to answer the charges. This position centers in the transmission of information, refusal to contain a matter, lack of care or love for the allegedly erring, and unfairness in that the maligned party has no means of knowing he has been maligned and no means of responding to the charges against himself.

The Proper Course

In contrast there is a course of action by which all may conduct themselves:

Grant the accused the benefit of a doubt as to the reliability of the evil reports—decide in your heart to not as yet accept the information as true.
Come openly and talk with the one thought to be in error.
Give the person charged with the wrong a clear, definite statement of his supposed errors.
Give him a fair opportunity to answer the charges.
Ask him, with all the tenderness of a Christian, and with your own soul subdued by the pitying love of Christ, if these statements are true.

If you are speaking privately with one who begins to live out the talebearing spirit, then ask, “Have you gone openly and talked with the one thought to be in error?” If he has not first approached the one thought to be in error, then tell him, “I must interrupt you for the sake of Christ. It would be wrong for me to listen and wrong for you to tell me more about this without your first approaching the brother you claim has offended you. We must do mercy to this person. Go to him, giving him the benefit of the doubt while granting him a fair opportunity to answer the charges. Only after this might it be right to speak to another.”

Remember the teaching of Jesus: “Blessed are the peacemakers” (Matthew 5:9). “Upon every family, upon every individual Christian, is laid the duty of barring the way against corrupt speech. When in the company of those who indulge in foolish talk, it is our duty to change the subject of conversation if possible. By the help of the grace of God we should quietly drop words or introduce a subject that will turn the conversation into a profitable channel” (Christ’s Object Lessons, p. 337).

But what if you are placed in a situation where you are trapped listening to destructive or separation talk? Again, decide in your heart with absolute certainty that you will not believe the derogatory talk being spoken of others. Urgently ask God to help you not to enjoy hearing these forbidden stories. Take care not to show the speaker any movement that would indicate agreement with their words; rather, remain silent. If you can display an angry face such that the speaker will realize that you do not agree with his empty words, even better.

Various Counsel

Here are some more references that should inform our thinking about when not to listen:

Let not your ears listen to gossip from any one. If all would refuse to hear evil of their neighbor, the tale-bearer would soon seek other employment (Historical Sketches, p. 122).

We might be inclined to refuse to listen to gossip except when a close friend offers it, or except when someone we personally may deem important offers it. However, none should offer it, and if they do, we should politely refuse to listen. We need to remember that many things do not fall under the heading of gossip, or what we are calling destructive talk and separation talk. Our definition is that destructive talk means the offering of most kinds of derogatory or damaging information concerning others, or talk promoting unjust negativity about a given person or persons. If I visit you and ask you, “How are your children these days?” that is not an attempt at gossip, nor would a kind, informational response be gossip. The nature of such talk in general will not be destructive, and will not incline toward the separation of people from each other.

‘By this,’ said Jesus, ‘shall all men know that ye are my disciples, if ye have love one to another.’ Those who cherish this love will sacredly guard the interests of one another. No evil reports will be carried; tattling and gossip will cease; Christ and the truth will be magnified (Historical Sketches, p. 210).

Sacredly guarding the interests of another means treating them as we would prefer to be treated. How we speak of each other demonstrates our care for them when we guard their reputation. When we slander them, we make our Christianity look disgusting to others. “The people of the world are watching us to see if our faith is exerting a sanctifying influence upon our hearts (God’s Amazing Grace, p. 210).

The eyes of the world are upon us, and we are observed by many of whom we have no knowledge. There are those who know something of the doctrines we claim to believe, and they are noting the effect of our faith upon our characters. They are waiting to see what kind of influence we exert, and how we carry ourselves before a faithless world (Selected Messages, vol. 2, p. 386).

Let not one evil word escape our lips, because our lips, our voice, belong to the Lord, and must be consecrated to the Lord and to His service. These lips must not dishonor Jesus, for they belong to Him. He has bought them and I must speak nothing that will offend Jesus. My ears must be closed to evil. Thus day by day we can consecrate ourselves to God. The ears must not be defiled by listening to any gossip that faultfinding ones would have us hear, for I not only cause them to sin in allowing them to talk of others’ faults, but I sin myself in listening to them. I can prevent much evil speaking in thus having ears consecrated to God. I can say before the evil is done, ‘Let us pray,’ then ask God to enlighten both our minds to understand our true relation to one another and our true relation to God (The Upward Look, p. 237).

If a word is dropped that is detrimental to the character of a friend or brother, never encourage this evilspeaking; for it is the work of the enemy. Remind the speaker that God’s Word forbids this kind of conversation (The Voice in Speech and Song, p. 126).

An earnest effort should be made in every church to put away evil-speaking and a censorious spirit. Severity and fault-finding must be rebuked as the work of Satan. Mutual love and confidence must be encouraged and strengthened in the members of the church. Let all close their ears to gossip and censure. Direct the tale-bearer to the teachings of God’s word. Bid him carry his complaints directly to those whom he thinks in error. This united action would bring a flood of light into the church, and close the door to a flood of evil (Review and Herald, November 30, 1886).

Conclusion

And there remains much to say. We would not leave the impression that all talk is prohibited. Yet we remember, that thoughts and feelings are encouraged and strengthened as we give them utterance. There are kinds of talk that are especially injurious and unfair and there are times when matters are, we shall say, in process, and endeavoring to address them is out of place because they have not yet been directed to the persons they apply to. There are occasions where investigation is not complete. In any case, our main business as Christians is not to investigate one another. But we should be thoughtful about our speech, for it is an index to the heart, and unbelievers will sense this. Our inappropriate talk can testify against the message we would prefer to give about Jesus.

Today we especially addressed when not to listen to destructive or separation talk and the steps to take to help others change this pattern of talk. We must not be so timid that we refuse to interrupt them when they launch such talk. The Lord help us to be strong. Next week, we go further, and then a two week break from the topic. LGT